in the moment. Pleasure is now, orgasms come when they come. And they will come. We can’t argue with the business practice of setting goals and defining expectations up front. The natural tension of pushing for what you want serves some people as a useful motivator.Buttensionblocksthe flow of subtle orgasmic energy, the powerful Kundalini force at the root of Tantra’s transformative processes. It’s distracting enough to be thinking about coming or trying to prevent it too soon. When your mind is intent on your partner’s climb to orgasm, you can get dragged down into a severe case of performance anxiety. Then, instead of focusing on feeling good, you spend your energy worrying about how well you’re doing. You get caught up in all those media-hyped standards of how it’s your job to make your partner go wild.   Get Back In The Sack Where You Belong This takes you out of your body. By ignoring your own sensory input in the moment, you’ll severely limit your ability to run sexual energy throughout your body and experience waves of orgasmic bliss. In Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery, Somraj writes…   “Getting out of your head means letting go of so many worries that normally accompany sex even with long-time partners. So heighten your senses, feel your feelings, enjoy your pleasure with no agenda, and you’ll gradually learn to stay out of your head and into your body.”   When you’re trying to recreate an earlier ecstatic incident, expecting to go longer than last time, or wanting a bigger explosion this time, you’re taking yourself out of the experience you want to expand. All too often having expectations just create frustrations which you carry into later encounters. Soon, simple enjoyment gets bogged down with all these mental standards and judgments, future agendas and plans. Instead of thinking, you should just be just playing and having fun. In contrast, the sexual practice of Tantra guides you to shift from orgasm — where you expect a defined ending - to continuously experiencing orgasmic energy for as long as you choose.   EXERCISE: Sexual Discussion Questions Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about… Describe a peak ecstatic sexual experience. Describe a typical sexual encounter. How would you like your sex life to be different?   Speak Up And Enjoy Are you familiar with that common mental refrain “Am I doing it right?” or the verbal one, “Did you come yet?” Because Tantrikas enter into sacred sex without expectations, performance anxiety disappears. When sex becomes a conscious dance of energies, any mystery about what’s happening with your partner disappears. If you can picture synchronized swimming with telepathic communication, you’ll get some sense of what Tantric Sex looks like.